Here's the campaign speech that I keep waiting to hear...
"Hello, my name is (Name) and I am running for (office).
I would like to represent you because I care deeply about our community, our state, and our nation. I want everyone to live the best life possible, and be given every opportunity to flourish. I have a heart for public service, I have some thoughts about how our policies could be structured in such a way that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness will be assured for all. And here they are:
(Insert accurate description of entire platform here.)
Furthermore, I believe that there is a clear choice to be made in this election between me and (opponent or opponents). However, I know that my opponents are pretty much just like me in that they too care deeply about our community, our state, and our nation. I truly believe that they want people to live the best lives possible, and be given every opportunity to flourish, just like I do. They also have a heart for public service, and some thoughts about how policies could be structured to ensure life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But I’ll let you ask them about those.
Because see, there are some things that I’m just not going to do during this campaign.
The first thing that I will not do is draw caricatures of my opponent’s ideas and compare them to my own. That’s called a “straw man” argument, and I’m just not going to do that. You should go to their website, read what they have to say, listen to them speak, watch them debate, and decide for yourself what their ideas are. All I can do is let you know what mine are, as honestly and transparently as possible, then allow you to make your choice.
The second thing that I will not do is list off all of the things that I “do not believe” about my opponent/s, making sure to say them out loud as I do so and thereby trying to subconsciously plant them in your mind. That’s just inane. I have far more respect for your intelligence than to do that to you.
And the third thing that I will not do during this campaign is claim to have a truer understanding of my opponent’s motivation than anyone else does. Truthfully, the only person’s motivation I understand fully is my own. I will not waste my time (nor yours) by trying to reveal my opponent’s true agenda, but rather I will concentrate on sharing mine with you. And by the way, here it is:
(Insert true agenda here, including all sources of funding.)
Fourth, I will in no way shape or form claim to be the politician who will single-handedly change the culture in (insert city, state capitol, or 'Washington D.C.' here). To think that electing one person over another is all it will take to reform our government is naïve at best, and I know that you are not in the least bit naïve. It would be an insult to you to try to convince you of that. True reform will take a cultural shift the scope of which is almost greater than anyone can imagine, and will require years of concerted effort on the part of vast numbers of people in order to happen. I’ll do my best, but I’m not going to make any promises.
Please vote. It is important for us not to take that for granted. There’s a choice to make, and it is up to the voters to make it. If you have heard this speech, or read it somewhere, you now know what I think. To the best of my ability, I will operate from this perspective if you elect me. And please, seek from (opponent or opponents) the same kind of information that I have tried to provide you about myself.
It is only if you are truly informed that you will be able to make a good decision on election day. Thanks for listening!"
...as of today, I'm still waiting.