Dr. Seuss on General Conference

I was unaware that Dr. Seuss had written about the United Methodist General Conference. And I quote ...


One day, making tracks
In the prairie of Prax,
Came a North-Going Zax
And a South-Going Zax.

And it happened that both of them came to a place
Where they bumped. There they stood.
Foot to foot. Face to face.

"Look here, now!" the North-Going Zax said, "I say!
You are blocking my path. You are right in my way.
I'm a North-Going Zax and I always go north.
Get out of my way, now, and let me go forth!"

"Who's in whose way?" snapped the South-Going Zax.
"I always go south, making south-going tracks.
So you're in MY way! And I ask you to move
And let me go south in my south-going groove."

Then the North-Going Zax puffed his chest up with pride.
"I never," he said, "take a step to one side.
And I'll prove to you that I won't change my ways
If I have to keep standing here fifty-nine days!"

"And I'll prove to YOU," yelled the South-Going Zax,
"That I can stand here in the prairie of Prax
For fifty-nine years! For I live by a rule
That I learned as a boy back in South-Going School.
Never budge! That's my rule. Never budge in the least!
Not an inch to the west! Not an inch to the east!
I'll stay here, not budging! I can and I will
If it makes you and me and the whole world stand still!"

Well...
Of course the world didn't stand still. The world grew.
In a couple of years, the new highway came through
And they built it right over those two stubborn Zax
And left them there, standing un-budged in their tracks.

by Dr. Seuss

From The Sneetches and Other Stories

Copyright 1961 by Theodor S. Geisel and Audrey S. Geisel, renewed 1989.

Update:
Okay, I couldn't resist creating my own version (with sincerest apologies to my hero Dr. Seuss):

One quadrennium, on the way
to their Conference one day,
Came a Methodist Yea
And a Methodist Nay.

And it happened that both of them came to a place
Where they bumped. There they stood.
Foot to foot. Face to face.

"Look here, now!" the Methodist Yea said, "I say!
You are blocking my path. You are right in my way.
I'm a Methodist Yea and I always include.
Get out of my way, now, you are being rude!"

"Who's in whose way?" snapped the Methodist Nay.
"I read my Bible, so do what I say.
So you're in MY way! And I ask you to move
And let me proceed in my Biblical groove."

Then the Methodist Yea puffed his chest up with pride.
“I never,” he said, “take a step to one side.
And I’ll prove to you that acceptance is right
(Excepting I won’t accept you – day or night!)”

"And I'll prove to YOU," yelled the Methodist Nay,
"That I can stand here in the good moral way
For fifty-nine years! For I live by a rule
That I learned as a boy back in my Sunday School.
Never budge! That's my rule. For to budge might reveal
that the Bible’s not true, or that God isn’t real!
So I'll stay here, not budging! I can and I will
If it makes you and me and the whole world stand still!"

Well...
Of course the world didn't stand still. The world grew.
And since they were so stubborn, there was naught they could do.
“Irrelevant!” “Pointless.” “Old-fashioned.” “You blew it!”
And Methodists, both Yea and Nay, never knew it.

Disclaimer: the assignment of "Yea" and "Nay" to any one side or the other of any particular argument or another is purely coincidental. No actual Methodists were harmed in the writing of this silly poem.

update: edited for proper spelling of "Seuss" and thank you Beth for pointing that out!

Responding to Gun Violence: Choose Love

At this point, the so-called “national conversation” has deteriorated to one Zax saying, “Guns are not the problem” and another Zax saying, “Oh yes they are.” (More on Zaxes.)

With all the respect that is due, may we please move on?

Clichés are rarely helpful. So, let’s just agree that 1) No, not all kinds of gun are “the problem,” but some are obviously "a problem," and 2) yes, obviously a gun safely unloaded and locked away won’t kill people, but a person getting it, loading it, pointing it at someone and pulling the trigger might. Okay, so let’s now declare this conversation a “cliché-free zone,” agreed?

Next, my full disclosure that I do not now, nor have I ever owned a gun, much less fired one. All I know about guns I know because of friends who own and use them. One of those friends is Fred Koenig, who has this very helpful perspective to share. Though obviously not a friend, Kathleen Parker’s column of January 11 was also very helpful.

I ran across another helpful piece of information in the Washington Post. Grant Duwe of the Minnesota Department of Corrections has researched mass shootings in the United States, defining a mass shooting as “an incident in which four or more victims are killed publicly with guns within 24 hours.” Part of his work included a list, broken down by decades, of mass shootings in the United States:

1900s : zero

1910s: 2

1920s: 2

1930s: 9

1940s: 8

1950s: 1

1960s: 6

1970s: 13

1980s: 32

1990s: 42

2000s: 28

2010s (three years): 14

All of us, expert and non-expert alike, will form opinions about why there is a spike in these incidents in the last third of the twentieth century. Personally, I believe it comes from a broad desensitization to violence. As weapons technology became more and more destructive and weapons became more and more widely available, attitudes toward violence became less and less horrified and more and more glorified. And furthermore, while I do not believe that our government can completely legislate away gun violence, I see no reason not to try. I value human life more than property rights.

However I have not invested myself as others have in the matters of earthly government. There are those who become irrationally energized over these matters, and it leads to very unhealthy places. I don’t even feel compelled to respond; it’s just not worth it. There is a more excellent way.

Whereas the world is anxious for certainty in uncertain times, God’s people are called to faith. For people of the world, there are a myriad of answers that may or may not lead to certainty. More guns, less guns, security officers, armed janitors, better healthcare for the mentally ill, fewer violent video games … and so it goes. Each of us is entitled to have and share an opinion about our earthly responses to the issues that confront us.

For people of God there is one answer - more love.

It is simple, yet extraordinary. The answer is more love. I’m not talking about a sugary sweet feeling; I’m talking about agape - divine love.

This is a love that recognizes the sacred worth of all God’s creation.

This is a love of which there is no greater, the love that lays down one’s life for another.

This is a love that refuses to allow a single Who down in Whoville to perish.

This is a love with fortitude, a courageous love that shouts down injustice and oppression.

This is an active, vibrant, powerful love that knows no strangers, no outcasts, no enemies.

This is a love that does not conform to this world, that overcomes evil with good, that turns the other cheek every time, that gives without expecting anything in return, that does justice, loves kindness, and walks humbly with God … this is the love that will fix everything.

And finally, it is a love that cannot be legislated, it cannot be demanded or required - it must be freely given. We must choose to love. We already know the answer; it is love. It is not certainty - it is faith. So simple; so extraordinary; so elusive.

We must choose love.