Dr. Seuss on General Conference

I was unaware that Dr. Seuss had written about the United Methodist General Conference. And I quote ...


One day, making tracks
In the prairie of Prax,
Came a North-Going Zax
And a South-Going Zax.

And it happened that both of them came to a place
Where they bumped. There they stood.
Foot to foot. Face to face.

"Look here, now!" the North-Going Zax said, "I say!
You are blocking my path. You are right in my way.
I'm a North-Going Zax and I always go north.
Get out of my way, now, and let me go forth!"

"Who's in whose way?" snapped the South-Going Zax.
"I always go south, making south-going tracks.
So you're in MY way! And I ask you to move
And let me go south in my south-going groove."

Then the North-Going Zax puffed his chest up with pride.
"I never," he said, "take a step to one side.
And I'll prove to you that I won't change my ways
If I have to keep standing here fifty-nine days!"

"And I'll prove to YOU," yelled the South-Going Zax,
"That I can stand here in the prairie of Prax
For fifty-nine years! For I live by a rule
That I learned as a boy back in South-Going School.
Never budge! That's my rule. Never budge in the least!
Not an inch to the west! Not an inch to the east!
I'll stay here, not budging! I can and I will
If it makes you and me and the whole world stand still!"

Well...
Of course the world didn't stand still. The world grew.
In a couple of years, the new highway came through
And they built it right over those two stubborn Zax
And left them there, standing un-budged in their tracks.

by Dr. Seuss

From The Sneetches and Other Stories

Copyright 1961 by Theodor S. Geisel and Audrey S. Geisel, renewed 1989.

Update:
Okay, I couldn't resist creating my own version (with sincerest apologies to my hero Dr. Seuss):

One quadrennium, on the way
to their Conference one day,
Came a Methodist Yea
And a Methodist Nay.

And it happened that both of them came to a place
Where they bumped. There they stood.
Foot to foot. Face to face.

"Look here, now!" the Methodist Yea said, "I say!
You are blocking my path. You are right in my way.
I'm a Methodist Yea and I always include.
Get out of my way, now, you are being rude!"

"Who's in whose way?" snapped the Methodist Nay.
"I read my Bible, so do what I say.
So you're in MY way! And I ask you to move
And let me proceed in my Biblical groove."

Then the Methodist Yea puffed his chest up with pride.
“I never,” he said, “take a step to one side.
And I’ll prove to you that acceptance is right
(Excepting I won’t accept you – day or night!)”

"And I'll prove to YOU," yelled the Methodist Nay,
"That I can stand here in the good moral way
For fifty-nine years! For I live by a rule
That I learned as a boy back in my Sunday School.
Never budge! That's my rule. For to budge might reveal
that the Bible’s not true, or that God isn’t real!
So I'll stay here, not budging! I can and I will
If it makes you and me and the whole world stand still!"

Well...
Of course the world didn't stand still. The world grew.
And since they were so stubborn, there was naught they could do.
“Irrelevant!” “Pointless.” “Old-fashioned.” “You blew it!”
And Methodists, both Yea and Nay, never knew it.

Disclaimer: the assignment of "Yea" and "Nay" to any one side or the other of any particular argument or another is purely coincidental. No actual Methodists were harmed in the writing of this silly poem.

update: edited for proper spelling of "Seuss" and thank you Beth for pointing that out!