(From my friend Martin):
- Begin every sermon with the phrase, "You know what's wrong with you people..."
- Place a roller coaster "You Must Be This Tall" sign at the entrance of the sanctuary.
- Keep the Christmas Pageant livestock in the choir room year 'round.
- If you have an auditorium that slopes down to the platform, give every kid under 12 a handful of marbles before the service every week.
- Put a blank for "weight" on the membership invitation forms.
- Demand mandatory drug testing for all senior adult excursions.
- Have the organist play baseball cheers at pivotal moments of the sermon.
- Before taking up the offering, have the worship leader scream, "Show me the money!"
- Charge restroom tolls.
- Illustrate every sermon with a scene from "Walker, Texas Ranger."
- Use the "American Idol" format for new member classes.
Sermon for the First Sunday of Lent, Feb. 18, 2024
9 months ago
4 comments:
Andy:
Good ones!
I can affirm most of these... but I think you're undercutting the usefulness of Walker: Texas Ranger. Imagine each time you drop a profound thought on the congregation being accented by a Chuck Norris round-house on the vid screen. Pow!!
When Chuck Norris goes to hell, it isn't because he sinned. It's because he's going to kick Satan's butt.
So Andy, I am not the only one that sees the assets of Chuck Norris. He would be a distraction from the annoying church growth problem!!! And..........yes he would kick Satan's butt, cause Walker is already "real upset"!!
Diana
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